Have you ever felt judged for something? Have you ever judged another for not meeting your criteria or expectations?

People judge all the time. But what most don’t realize is that it is never about the person being judged.  That’s right, you heard me correctly. It’s all about the person doing the judging.

We judge others in order to:

  1. Make us feel better, to downplay our fears and insecurities- When we judge ourselves for being less than, we need  a place to throw our emotions so we project them onto to others so that we can begin to feel better about ourselves. After all, we can’t be that bad if that person is can’t dress well or has blue hair.
  2. Feel safe- if someone is doing something that we would classify as unsafe, we judge them for being bossy, promiscuous, reckless, weird, etc. But it’s because their actions make us feel unsafe. 
  3. Connect with others by agreeing with their judgments-not to feel left out, most insecure people will not voice an opinion contrary to the majority because they want to fit in or not stir the pot.

So how do you stop judging others? Here’s the easy answer-by stop judging yourself. Life isn’t a competition. It isn’t about who did it better, or is smarter, or the thinnest.

And just imagine a world where everyone was alike, wouldn’t life would be boring? There would be no contrast. It would be like living in a development where every house was the same color, size, layout. There would be no differences, no personality. And not every  man wants to be with a supermodel or rocket scientist or a blue eyed blonde!

So have some compassion for yourself and delve in the real reason that you feel the need to judge others.  Work on those unhealed aspects of yourself so that you can get to a place of peace around them.  You are perfect as you are, whether you believe it or not.

 5 Ways to heal your insecurities:

  1. Be aware of your thoughts.When a negative thought pops up, acknowledge it as your ego trying to keep you small and remind yourself that you know the real truth.
  2. Look for the source. When faced with a negative thought, what was the origin? Did you accept someone else’s projections as your truth?
  3. What’s the good in it? While no one needs to be a bitch, sometimes you need to put on the bitch face to stand up for yourself. Imagine your kids in trouble?  How nice will you be in protecting them?
  4. Have compassion. Give yourself the love and attention you need instead of showing yourself self-hate. Even the best aren’t perfect.  It’s just a matter of perspective.
  5. Take action. If you don’t like it, then fix it. Otherwise, your pain is more comfortable than your fear of change.

When you are ready to make changes to your life,  contact me for a Coaching Breakthrough session. Let’s chat about how I can support you through your journey.


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