I am amazed at how people stay in relationships out of fear of hurting their partner. They want to wait for the “right time” or hope that their partner will become disinterested in the relationship and find another partner. Who is this helping? No one really. It’s creating spiritual codependency and all it does is create more toxicity in the relationship.

Imagine being stuck in a relationship that you have outlived- the frustration of potentially feeling trapped, stuck, powerless. And it’s all because you are afraid to let your partner learn their spiritual lessons, to fell heartache around a failed relationship. So rather, you take on their karma, their lessons, in order to help them but instead  you have just created lessons for both of you to learn.

I had a client who was stuck in a relationship but didn’t realize it. I asked her why she was in this relationship. She told me that she loved him. I then asked her what she was getting from loving this man. And the answer was nothing. I then told her that she soon would be divorcing this man, which she didn’t believe and further gave me a piece of her mind. What she was doing was loving a man she felt sorry for, not because he was a reciprocating love. And as predicted, she divorce her husband within 2 years, having realized that that man was in love his life, and she wasn’t a factor in that feeling.

When we aren’t present with or feelings, we react because it’s what we think we are or should be doing. A good friend of mine married her high school sweetheart, not because she was madly in love with him, but rather it was just the natural progression of the relationship. Moving forward 20+ years, they are now divorced, all because she really didn’t love him as a life partner, and he loved his control more than his wife or family. She provided him with the ability to be controlling- she ALLOWED it. When she decided that she didn’t want to be controlled any longer, that’s when the marriage suffered.

So what do you do?

If you are unsure how you feel, just hold space for yourself. Holding space is basically stopping and listening, creating the space for reflection and growth. Then ask yourself, how do I emotionally feel in this person’s presence? Do I feel like a better person because of this relationship? Through this awareness, you can decide whether or not to stay in the relationship; it can empower you to make the decision to move on and it creates authenticity for yourself by listening to your truths.

And as for your partner, instead of holding on to a relationship that’s past due its expiration date, hold space and raise the vibration of your interaction. This is done through the law of polarity where you do the opposite of what is being directed at you.  For example, if someone is yelling at you, then you speak softly. If someone speaks in a fast pace, you speak in a slow pace, etc. By using the law of polarity, you create space for your partner, and space for healing is created. If you chose to match your partner’s vibration, then all you are doing is projecting at each other.

It really boils down to this- the faster you deal with the relationship, the less pain you create. Why waste time and energy in a relationship that isn’t in alignment with your desires? Isn’t it about cutting your losses  and moving on? Because in the end, you both benefit, even though the initial pain may say otherwise.