Questions you need to ask to determine long term compatibility in a new relationship.

Ah, dating.

To some, it’s a fun way to meet interesting men. To others, it’s nerve wracking. As you get older, dating can be a little more complicated when there may be children, ex spouses, support payments, investments, elderly parents or more, possibly interfering in the relationship.

If you want to weed out the short term men from the long term keepers, you need to start asking the right questions. After all, they are applying for a position in your life. And the last thing you should want is a man who is unqualified to be your partner. Once you are attracted to your suitor, there are 10 questions that you need to ask if you want to qualify the right guy to be your partner and to not waste your time. And listen carefully to their responses. Saying and doing are not the same. You need to read between the lines and hear what they are saying and NOT saying. Get the complete picture before you start romanticizing the relationship. But before you can ask the questions, you need to be clear as to what you desire in a man. Not knowing the qualities he should possess and what the deal breakers are is merely a waste of time for everyone involved. It’s like driving a car without knowing the destination- you may get there but only after you have wasted your time.

The 10 questions you should ask a guy when you first meet:

1. What are your short term and long term goals in life? Basically you want to know if the guy is a planner or if he flies by the seat of his pants. Does he have a vision that you can get behind? Does he have long term relationship goals? And more importantly, his answers may also tell you if he’s a money spender or a saver.

2. What is your political viewpoints? What do you believe in? Some may say that you should never talk politics, but what you are determining here is if he is in alignment with your values. It’s not about debating viewpoints.

3. Do you have any religious or spiritual practice? Here’s where you want to determine how open or closed he is. Will he be okay with your practices? Or will either of you try to recruit the other to implement your spiritual practices? It’s okay to have different beliefs as long as they don’t become a source of dictation.

4. What qualities do you want in a partner? What do you value? If you don’t share similar values, there most likely will be issues since you are not driven by the same motivators. If you value someone who is trustworthy, and he doesn’t, this could be a red flag.

5. What are his views on family and other relationships? The quality of relationships or the lack thereof may be a huge red flag. Does he have a relationship with his parents, siblings, children or ex-wife? Does he spend a lot of time with his buddies? Does his family sweet talk him for money or gifts?

6. What are his expectations of a partner? Listen closely here to determine if he is looking for an old fashion relationship or if he’s expecting super woman who will be his maid, secretary, companion, etc. Does he expect you to work or to give up everything to support him?

7. How do you show affection to your partner? Do you consider yourself romantic and do you like to publicly display affection? Women who love public display of affection get really frustrated when they are with a partner who isn’t affectionate or as romantic as themselves.

8. Do you have any health challenges/issues? Major health issues may be a problem in a relationship since they can often break up relationships. Imagine wanting to travel but your partner can’t walk far. Or maybe you would like spontaneous sexual play time but your partner has issues. Depending upon what is important to you, this may not bode well. Or maybe your partner doesn’t take care of his health- this could have repercussions physically, emotionally and financially down the road. After all, would you buy a rusty car? Depends on the amount of rust you can tolerate and/or if it can be fixed.

9. What do you like to do in your free time? Here you want to find out how active they are and if they plan to spend their free time with you. It’s great to have a partner to do activities with, but not so much if it’s only their interests.

10. Why have previous relationships failed? Listen carefully to hear what is being or not being said. Does he take responsibility for the failed relationship? Was there a distraction such as another woman, drugs, alcohol or work? Imagine wanting to travel with your partner only to find out later that he is a workaholic or that he puts his kid’s needs first. Be sure to ask the questions to the responses you didn’t hear.

The bottom line is knowing what you want, what you value and ensuring that your potential partner is in alignment with those desires and that he is emotionally available. Life is too precious to be wasting your time on the wrong guy. Opposites may attract, but couples with similar values and views stay together.